Escape to Paradise: Hotel Bertusi, Porretta Terme, Italy Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Hotel Bertusi, Porretta Terme, Italy Awaits! - A Review (and a Confession)
Okay, so, I just got back from Hotel Bertusi in Porretta Terme. And, honestly? My brain's still trying to unscramble the Italian sunshine, the smell of fresh pasta, and… well, the sheer bliss of the place. You probably want a straight-up review, right? Like, accessibility, wifi, the works. Fine, fine. But be warned: my review might be a little… enthusiastic. And maybe a tad less organized than your average travel blog. Consider this less a review and more a stream-of-consciousness explosion of gasp feelings.
First things first: Accessibility (and a confession about my (lack of) planning!)
Look, I'm not gonna lie. Before this trip, my idea of "accessible travel" was making sure I had enough battery on my phone. Facepalm. Completely on me. Hotel Bertusi claims to have facilities for disabled guests, which is great! I didn't properly investigate the nitty-gritty details - shame on me. I should have checked for specifics on wheelchair access to rooms, elevators etc. My bad, people! Definitely CALL THEM and ask if this is a priority for you! I know they had an elevator, which was a relief because this hotel is tucked into the hills.
(Rant Alert!) Why is accessible travel still such a thing?! It should just be standard! Okay, rant over. Onward!
Wired & Wireless Wonders: Internet & Wi-Fi
Alright, let's get into the stuff that actually matters to a modern person, aka, the internet. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Hallelujah! And it actually worked. Surprisingly strong signal even in the hills where the hotel is located. I’m a sucker for streaming my shows after a dip in the pool. There’s also Internet [LAN], for the old-school, I guess. And for the special events, well, they got wifi for them as well.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax… and My Near Disastrous Massage!
Okay, buckle up. This is where the review REALLY takes off. Hotel Bertusi is NOT just a place to sleep. It's a full-blown experience. First, the "ways to relax." They've got the good stuff:
Pool with View: Okay, so the outdoor pool? HOLY. MOLY. Imagine THIS. Picture this: You’re floating in the sun-warmed water, looking out over the rolling hills of the Appennines. The air smells of pine and something indescribably Italian. And the view? Just… breathtaking. Probably the closest I'll get to paradise without, you know, actually dying.
Spa/Sauna/Steamroom: Yep, they've got the works. I'm not a huge spa person, usually finding the whole thing a bit… pretentious. But, I gave it a go! The sauna was lovely, the steam room… well, it’s steamy. What else do you want?
Massage: Now, here's where the story gets interesting. I booked a massage. And let me just say, in my eagerness to unwind and get out of the sun, I completely misread the brochure. I thought I was getting a gentle, relaxing aromatherapy massage. What I actually got? My therapist, bless her heart, treated my back like she was stuccoing a wall. I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage to go back.
- Anecdote: I ended up in the sauna for another 45 minutes just to come down from the massage. I felt like a rag doll the next day and I still haven't fully recovered. But hey, at least I'm properly relaxed now, right?
Body scrub/wraps: They got this too. I can't do this. It’s just too hard to relax. I’m sorry.
Fitness center/gym: Ah, yes. In my quest for relaxation, I completely forgot about any ambition of working out. But, for the people who are into that, they had it.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Prepare to Unbutton Your Pants!
Okay, food. This is where Hotel Bertusi truly shines. Forget your diet. Just forget it. This place is the culinary equivalent of a warm hug, stuffed with pasta, cheese, and love.
Restaurants: There are several. One with international cuisine, one with Asian food (yes, really!), and a Vegetarian restaurant! I, personally, stuck to the Italian options. Because. Italy.
Breakfast [Buffet/room]: OMG. The breakfast buffet. The breakfast buffet. A glorious spread of pastries, cheeses, meats, fruit, and more coffee than a caffeine addict could dream of. Honestly, their breakfast buffet felt like a party.
- Confession: I may or may not have gone back for seconds… and thirds…
Poolside bar/Snack bar: Essential. Because cocktails and snacks by the pool are practically a legal requirement in Italy. Happy hour? Yes, please!
A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant: Pretty standard and a great option to choose from.
Coffee/tea in restaurant and/or Coffee shop: Obviously.
Room service [24-hour]: Perfect for those evenings when you just want to eat pizza in your bathrobe and watch Italian television (which, incidentally, is amazing, even if you don't understand a word).
Vegetarian options: Very thoughtful.
Happy Hour: This is what I'm talking about.
Cleanliness and Safety: Reassuringly Obsessive
Okay, so, this is the serious part. Given the current global situation, I was super impressed with Hotel Bertusi's COVID-19 protocols.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: They were everywhere. They took it seriously, which was, frankly, incredibly reassuring.
- Hygiene certification: They had one.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: This is also important.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Make a Big Impact
This is where the hotel goes from "nice" to "amazing."
- Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Luggage storage: Top-notch.
- Air conditioning in public areas: Thank heavens! It can get hot in Italy.
- Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange: Very helpful to have available.
- Elevator: See, I told you.
- Meeting/banquet facilities, On-site event hosting: For the people who wanna do business at paradise.
- Gift/souvenir shop, Convenience Store: Great to have around.
For the Kids (and the Kid in You!)
- Family/child friendly, Babysitting service, Kids facilities, Kids meal: This hotel seems set up for families.
- Proposal spot: Now THAT'S a nice touch.
- Couple's room: If you want to.
Rooms: Comfort and Convenience
Okay, the rooms. They were lovely. Air conditioning was a lifesaver. Great closet space, mini bar, all the usual suspects. I had a great view from my window. I didn't use the bathtub, but it was there.
- Amenities: Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone(??), Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
Getting Around
- Car park [free of charge], Taxi service: Easy.
- Airport transfer: If you don't want to drive.
The Verdict? Book It!
Okay, so, would I go back? In a heartbeat. Hotel Bertusi isn't just a hotel; it's a feeling. It's that feeling of being utterly relaxed, fed amazing food, and surrounded by beauty. It's a place where you can completely switch off
Lipe's Hidden Gem: Bloom Cafe & Hostel - Your Thai Island Paradise Awaits!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! This ain't your sanitized, perfectly-formatted travel itinerary. This is… well, this is my attempt to navigate the Hotel Bertusi in Porretta Terme, Italy. Prepare for a rollercoaster of spa water, questionable breakfast pastries, and the existential dread of being slightly lost in translation.
Day 1: Arrival & the Great Luggage Debacle (aka, Welcome to Italy, Babe!)
- Morning (Uh, more like late-ish morning): Landed in Bologna. Jet lag? Oh, honey, that’s a lifestyle. The flight was a blur of airplane peanuts, crying babies (mine weren't, thankfully!), and the nagging feeling I'd forgotten something crucial. I swear I packed everything… but the airport express was a frantic dash where I briefly considered ditching my carry-on (the emotional baggage was enough, thanks).
- Mid-Day (Around 1 PM): Train to Porretta Terme. The scenery? Gorgeous. Lush green hills, tiny villages clinging to the mountains like stubborn little wildflowers. I felt like I had been in a whole other planet minutes ago, but the train made me feel so relaxed. Until the luggage. Somewhere between Bologna and Porretta, my suitcase decided to go AWOL. Vanished. Poof! Just like that. Cue the internal screaming.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Arrived at Hotel Bertusi. Honestly, beautiful. Think quaint, family-run charm, with the faintest hint of… well, let's just say the paint's seen things. The reception, bless her heart, was a whirlwind of rapid-fire Italian and my increasingly panicked attempts at charades. "Buona! Bagaglio?!" (Lost luggage, obviously.) She flashed me a sympathetic smile and a shrug. "Ah, Italia!" She said, which I took to mean "Good luck, darling." But she was sweet, and the smell of freshly baked bread wafted from the kitchen. Bless the Italian bread gods.
- Late Afternoon/Early Evening (4:00 PM): Settled in. The room… it's cozy. Very cozy. Possibly a little… small? But there's a balcony! A balcony overlooking the valley! Sold. And the tiny soaps in the bathroom! Adorable, though probably not designed for someone with my, shall we say, generous proportions.
- Evening (7:30 PM): Dinner. And here's where things took a turn for the better. The hotel restaurant? Divine. I was starving, and there was a seemingly endless supply of pasta. I mean, pasta. Pasta. My first taste of Italian pasta. I may or may not have cried a little bit. And the wine? Oh, the wine! We're talking robust, flavorful, and dangerously drinkable. I'm in love. Despite the luggage situation, I'm starting to think Italy and I will be friends. Maybe even besties.
Day 2: Spa Day (and the Existential Dread of the Mud Wrap)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Breakfast. The buffet was a… experience. Stale croissants (tragic!), strong coffee (needed!), and a mysterious meat dish that I bravely attempted to identify. I failed. But they had Nutella, and Nutella fixes everything.
- Morning/Early Afternoon (10:30 AM): Spa time! The Hotel Bertusi spa is… well, rustic. Think "charming" with a generous helping of "slightly dated." But hey, it's the thermal water that matters, right? I started with a glorious soak in some seriously sulphuric waters. My skin felt like butter.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): The Mud Wrap. This is where things got… interesting. Imagine a cold, gloopy substance being slathered all over your body by a woman who doesn't speak a word of English. Then imagine being wrapped in plastic. And then imagine lying there, contemplating your life choices, while the mud slowly hardens around you. I may have briefly panicked. I may have imagined my entire life flashing before my eyes. But I survived. And my skin? Radiant, darling, radiant!
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM): Post-Spa Hibernation. I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room, wrapped in a fluffy robe, feeling like a bonafide spa goddess. The peacefulness was… amazing.
- Evening (7:30 PM): Dinner round two. More pasta. More wine. More joy. Life is good. Also: the luggage is still MIA. Beginning to accept this.
Day 3: Porretta Exploration & a Desperate Search for Socks
- Morning (9:00 AM): Breakfast. The stale croissants are starting to haunt my dreams. Must. Find. Fresh. Bread.
- Late Morning (11:00 AM): Exploration time! Porretta Terme is adorable, it's small - a good excuse to escape. I wandered around the town square, admired the old buildings, and attempted to buy a postcard. The shopkeeper, a tiny, ancient woman with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, didn't understand my terrible Italian, but we got the job done somehow… eventually.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch at a local trattoria. Spaghetti with mushrooms. And wine. I can’t get enough of the wine.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): The Sock Crisis. This is serious, people. I've been wearing the same pair of socks for three days. My feet are starting to stage a revolt. The hunt for socks becomes a mission.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM): Found a tiny little shop that might have socks. The shop owner was incredibly sweet, but her understanding of English was about on par with my grasp of Italian. Success! The shoes (and new pair of socks) are perfect.
- Evening (7:30 PM): Dinner. I ordered something new tonight. Risotto with truffles. I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing. The luggage? Still missing, which I no longer care. Italy, I love you.
Day 4: Departure (and Farewell to the Great Thermal Waters)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Breakfast and the croissant roulette.
- Late Morning(11:00 AM): One last stroll. The hotel is starting to feel like home, in a slightly eccentric Italian way. Taking deep breaths of the clean air. I am going to miss this place.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): One more lunch. If possible, yes, I will make it pasta.
- Late Afternoon (3:00 PM): The Great Departure. Train again, and the luggage. Will it arrive? Will it be found? Who knows. Regardless, I’d like to return to my room, one more time.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Goodbye Porretta Terme, and so long Hotel Bertusi! Thank you for your hospitality and the wonderful memories.
Post a Comment for "Escape to Paradise: Hotel Bertusi, Porretta Terme, Italy Awaits!"