Unwind in Paradise: Bourbon-Lancy's Grand Hotel Awaits!
Unwind in Paradise: Bourbon-Lancy's Grand Hotel Awaits! (Or… Does It Really?) A Review That’s Had a Few Too Many Crêpes…
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from Bourbon-Lancy and, well, it was an experience. Unwind in Paradise they call it. Let's just say my definition of "unwind" might be… slightly different from theirs. I'm going to be brutally honest - like, spilled-coffee-on-the-carpet-while-trying-to-write-this-review honest.
First Impressions (and the Elevator Ride From Hell – Kind Of):
The hotel, the Grand Hotel, is… grand. Like, think-old-European-castle-trying-too-hard-to-be-sleek grand. Lots of chandeliers, I counted at least three. And the lobby? Immense. Definitely enough space to lose a small army of toddlers, which, I suppose, could be a plus with the babysitting service available (more on that later).
Accessibility (and My Stumble-Fest):
Now, let's talk about something super important: Accessibility. This is where things get… complicated. Facilities for disabled guests are listed, which is promising. Elevator? Check! But the devil is in the details, right? While the lobby itself seemed pretty accessible (though the marble floor was slippery - take note, klutzes like myself), I didn't personally go on an in-depth investigation of every nook and cranny with a wheelchair. Therefore, I can't give a definitive "wheelchair accessible" stamp of approval. I saw elevators but didn't see how it was built around the details of providing for disabled guest. Sorry, I can't be much more of a help.
The Digital Dungeon: Internet & Wi-Fi Woes (and Highs!):
Alright, listen up, digital nomads and Instagram addicts. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! YES! And Wi-Fi in public areas… also yes! Praise the digital gods! My social media addiction survived. However, like any grand hotel, it wasn't 100% perfect. the internet can get spotty, and I found myself cursing under my breath about lag at times. When I did get a good signal, however, it saved my bacon. I needed Internet access – wireless and was blessed but I also noticed Internet [LAN] which would have been handy at moments of terrible internet!
Pampering Paradise? (Or, My Spa Day That Went Sideways…)
Okay, this is where Unwind in Paradise really tries to deliver. The Spa… it's a thing. They've got the whole shebang: Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage, Sauna, Steamroom, Spa/sauna. They even have a Pool with a view! (And, yes, I did verify the presence of shampoo and conditioner)
Now, here's the story. The pool [outdoor] was heaven. Sun warming my bones, the view… stunning. I was practically sighing with contentment. Then, I decided to treat myself to a body wrap.
Big mistake.
The body wrap itself was… okay. Kinda like being wrapped in cling film and smeared with, well, I'm not entirely sure what. The therapist was lovely, bless her heart, but the room was freezing! Afterwards, I was supposed to relax in the sauna, but when I opened the door, I suddenly had the feeling of inhaling the air of a hot, dusty attic. It wasn't very clean. It needed a scrub down. I’m not going to lie; I nearly bolted, abandoning my post-body wrap state. Honestly, the sauna was a letdown. The steamroom, I didn't even bother with. In the end, I just went back to the outdoor pool to decompress from the decompression.
Things to Do (Besides Questioning Your Life Choices in the Sauna):
Beyond the spa, there’s a Fitness center and a Gym/fitness area. I'm not a gym bunny, so I can't personally vouch for the equipment, but from a glance, it looked decently equipped. There’s also a swimming pool inside. And a Foot bath… because, you know, self care.
And let's not forget the Things to do and ways to relax. These included having a nap on the deck of the pool. My personal favorite was to grab a beer.
Cleanliness, Safety & The Sanitization Shuffle:
Yes, Bourbon-Lancy seems to take safety seriously, which is hugely reassuring. They have CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, and 24-hour security. There are Fire extinguisher and Smoke alarms in the rooms (though, I'm not sure how I would know if the visual alarm was going off). I was able to notice Daily disinfection in common areas and Professional-grade sanitizing services which was a welcome sight. The hotel also used Anti-viral cleaning products. Staff trained in safety protocol, Hand sanitizer galore – you get the picture. They also do Room sanitization between stays and even have Room sanitization opt-out available. Plus, I saw more Hand sanitizer than I thought existed in the world. So, from a safety perspective, they're doing a very good job.
Food, Glorious Food (and Maybe a Slight Stomach Ache…)
Okay, food is my jam. And Unwind in Paradise offers a wide array of Dining, drinking, and snacking. They have Restaurants, a Bar, a Poolside bar and Coffee/tea in restaurant. Let's dive in:
- Breakfast [buffet]: Standard, but extensive. They had your typical Western breakfast and even Asian breakfast. The Coffee shop was a lifesaver in the mornings.
- Restaurants: They have several, including a Vegetarian restaurant and ones serving both Western cuisine in restaurant and Asian cuisine in restaurant.
- The A la carte in restaurant was good. The Salad in restaurant was very good with fresh ingredients.
The biggest shocker? The desserts! The Desserts in restaurant were the best part.
But here's the confession: I may have overindulged in the crêpes one afternoon. The ones with the chocolate sauce. And the whipped cream. And a little bit more chocolate sauce. I ended up with a mild stomach ache later, so maybe "unwind" wasn't the best descriptor for that particular experience.
Services and Conveniences (and the Quest for the Holy Ironing Board):
The hotel offers a ton of services. Air conditioning in public area? Check. An Elevator? Check. Daily housekeeping? You betcha. Cash withdrawal? Yep, and a Currency exchange service. There's a Concierge (very helpful, I must say). There are also Food delivery, Food delivery, Dry cleaning, and Ironing service (which I desperately needed after a few rogue crêpes incidents).
However, that bloody ironing service took forever. I would have ironed my own shirt, but I could not get the right Ironing facilities in my room… I even asked the staff, and I was given a vague answer. It was a minor inconvenience, but it also made my wrinkled clothes even more noticeable.
The Room Itself: (The Good, The Baffling, and the Slightly Creepy):
The Available in all rooms is a plethora: Air conditioning, an Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Coffee/tea maker, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, Mini bar, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Separate shower/bathtub, Slippers, Smoke detector, Sofa, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free] and Window that opens.
The good: The bed was comfy, and the Linens were heavenly. Blackout curtains? Yes, please. I’m a total light sleeper. I appreciated the reading light. The Additional toilet was a godsend.
The baffling: My room had a very ornate chandelier. It felt a bit… excessive. Also, I couldn't figure out how to work the Bathroom phone.
The slightly creepy: I kept finding myself staring at the Mirror at 3 in the morning. Don’t ask.
For the Kids (Because, You Know, Sometimes They Tag Along):
Alright, parents. They have a Babysitting service, so you can escape to the spa… or just barricade yourself in your room and eat crêpes in peace (my personal recommendation). The hotel is Family/child friendly and has Kids facilities and a Kids meal.
Getting Around (and Dodging the Taxi Driver's Side-Eye):
They offer Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], **Car park
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Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. We're going to Bourbon-Lancy, France, and the "Grand Hotel de Bourbon-Lancy - Spa et Restaurant - Logis," supposedly a bastion of bourgeois bliss, and prepare for glorious chaos. This is less a schedule and more a nervous breakdown with a French accent.
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Dread (in a Bathrobe)
1:00 PM (ish): Arrive in Bourbon-Lancy. The train ride was… well, let's just say the SNCF is a masterclass in delayed gratification. Or maybe just delayed, full stop. Found myself sharing a compartment with a very opinionated pigeon and a woman who smelled suspiciously of mothballs. Charming. The Grand Hotel looks… well, grand. But the cobblestones outside were hell on my suitcase. Already sweaty. Already regretting not packing that extra deodorant.
2:00 PM: Check-in. The lobby is all velvet and hushed whispers. I feel like I'm in a bad Bond film. Receptionist is perfectly polite, too polite. Am I supposed to understand French? I'm pretty sure "Bonjour" is the extent of my vocabulary. Panic sets in.
2:30 PM: Room. It's… fine? The bed is enormous, which is both a blessing and a curse. More room for existential dread, I guess. There's a balcony. I cautiously open the door and peer out. A sleepy French street, the faint smell of something delicious baking, and the crushing weight of the expectations I've placed on this trip. I think I need a nap.
3:00 PM: SPA TIME! Okay, this is what I came for. The website promised bliss, and frankly, after the train disaster and the mothball lady, I deserve some bliss. But first, finding the spa. Wandering around, feeling lost and foolish, I finally stumble upon it. It's dimly lit, quiet. Everything smells of lavender and quiet judgement. Oh, how I can't do this. The woman asks me in perfect English if I would like a robe and slippers. Yes, thank you; I desperately need to feel like I am in the right place. I think I also want a cookie. This must be Heaven. The massage is… indescribable. Pure, unadulterated heaven. I think I may have drooled. My brain has officially turned to mush.
5:00 PM: Post-massage disorientation. I’m wandering around the hallways not knowing where I am or why. Find a chair, sit, and stare into space for an unhealthy length of time.
7:30 PM: Dinner at the Restaurant. The Food Coma Begins: The dining room is… fancy. Like, really fancy. I suddenly wish I’d packed a tie. Or at least ironed my shirt. The waiter is a vision of French grace, and the menu is a whirlwind of French words I don’t understand. Luckily, there's a menu in English, but still. I don't recognize a single thing. I order the "plat du jour" (because, you know, immersion) and pray. It arrives. It’s… unbelievable. I am full. I am happy. The wine is even better. I think I could live here forever. Or at least until my credit card explodes.
9:00 PM: A gentle stroll through the town square. The air is cool, the moon is high. There's a tiny, ancient church with its doors open for a vigil. It's gorgeous. And I feel like a clumsy oaf.
10:00 PM: Crash into bed. Tomorrow… well, tomorrow will be tomorrow.
Day 2: The Obsessive Sauna Experience
9:00 AM: Breakfast. A Culinary Revelation: Breakfast might be the best thing about this hotel. Fresh croissants, pain au chocolat that literally melt in your mouth, fresh fruit… Basically, I'm eating my way through France. I think I've already gained five pounds. Worth it!
10:00 AM: The Sauna… My First Obsession: Okay, so, I told myself I wasn't going to spend all my time in the spa. But the sauna, oh, the sauna! It's a symphony of heat and wood and peace. I enter the sauna, and it's like stepping into a different dimension. The heat washes over me, and my worries, deadlines, bills, they all start to melt away. I spend the next hour rotating between the sauna and the cool water shower, slowly drifting away on a raft of steam and serenity. I even start to communicate with some of the other sauna-goers… in French. I think it's going well.
11:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Return to Sauna: I think I'm going to live here. I re-enter my sauna, and I go in again and again and again. I'm now best friends with the other sauna-goers.
1:00 PM: Lunch. I feel better in my body than I have felt in years.
2:00 PM - 3:30 PM: Sauna Intermission: Shower. Nap. Return to the Sauna.
3:30 PM - 5:00 PM: The Sauna… Again. At this point I am certain they will have issues with me.
7:00 PM: Dinner. I'm starving and also a little bit delirious from all the steam. The food is once again, phenomenal.
9:00 PM: Early bedtime. I am a prune personified.
Day 3: The End is Nigh (and I'm Sad to Leave)
9:00 AM: Breakfast. The croissant situation is getting serious. I may have to smuggle one out in my suitcase.
10:00 AM: Check out. I'm leaving. I’m sad. I have some serious attachment issues with this hotel and the spa.
1:00 PM: Train Ride Home. Goodbye Bourbon-Lancy. I'll miss you. The next train is a disaster (again).
5:00 PM: Arrive Home. The real world is still out there, but a little bit of Bourbon-Lancy is now lodged deep in my soul.
In Conclusion: This wasn’t a perfect trip. I was awkward. I got lost. I ate too much. But it was real. It was an experience. And I think I'll be booking another trip. Maybe I'll stay in the sauna.
OMG! This Petaling Jaya Pet Paradise Blew My Mind! (The Goh @ Icon City)
Unwind in Paradise: Bourbon-Lancy's Grand Hotel - Your Questions (and My Rambles) Answered!
Okay, spill it. Is this "Grand Hotel" actually *grand*? (Because let's be honest, expectations are a killer.)
Grand? Well, it's... grand-ish. Okay, look, I went in with Parisian palace fantasies. You know, the whole "chandeliers, crisp linen, a butler who knows your preferred single malt" thing. And, well, Bourbon-Lancy ain't Paris. It's a charming little town, full of that *je ne sais quoi* that makes you want to buy a baguette and a beret, even if you can't speak French. The hotel? Okay, it's got the bones. Seriously, the building itself is stunning. Think old-world charm, maybe a touch of faded glory, but in a good way. The lobby? Huge. Check out the HUGE windows, they let a ton of light in. Though, when I got there, I did see the lady at the front desk struggling with the elevator, because honestly, it got stuck and she was sweating bullets. It's not the Ritz, but it's homey, and warm. The staff is lovely, but they definitely have their quirks. One afternoon, I wanted a coffee, ordered it from room service; it arrives an hour and a half later, lukewarm, and with a smiley face drawn on the lid. (Bless their hearts!) It's definitely not a perfect experience, but the flaws are part of the charm. And frankly, I ended up loving the place.
The thermal baths. Everyone talks about them. Are they *really* as relaxing as they sound? (Because my life is basically a stress ball.)
Oh. My. GOD. The baths. Okay, let's get one thing straight: yes. YES, they're as relaxing as the brochure promises, and probably a million times more. I’m a walking, talking, human stress ball, and the moment I sank into that thermal water… it was like my muscles said, “Peace out, tension!” It's like being hugged by warm, bubbly clouds. Just the most amazing feeling. I spent *hours* in the indoor pool. It's massive, with jets and waterfalls and all sorts of hydro-massage doodads. And the outdoor pool? O-kay. Picture this: crisp air, the faint scent of pine, and you're floating in warm, mineral-rich water under a canopy of stars. This happened to me the second night I was there. I was in this pool alone, listening to the water bubbling and the birds chirping, looking at the moon. And I just, I lost it. I started crying, but in a good way? Because for the first time in ages, I actually felt like I could breathe. That part of the trip was the best, bar none.
What's the food like? I'm a foodie, and I have high standards (sorry, not sorry).
Okay, so, the food. It's French. And it's good. But it's not Michelin-starred *haute cuisine*. Think solid, traditional French fare. Hearty. Delicious. I had this incredible coq au vin one night. Honestly, it made me want to move to France and become a chicken farmer. It was THAT good. The breakfast buffet is a bit of a mixed bag. You've got your croissants (obviously), your pain au chocolat (duh), some cold cuts, cereal, and fruit. The coffee? Well, let's just say it's not what I'm used to. But hey, you're in France! Embrace the slower pace. I'm not going to lie; I had a slight existential crisis one morning because the eggs felt a bit overcooked and I didn't think there was enough fruit, but after the third trip to the croissant, I was fine. This part is just an ongoing issue for me. Overall, the food is perfectly acceptable, maybe not earth-shattering, but definitely satisfying and part of the experience.
Alright, be honest. Is there anything *bad* about the Grand Hotel? (Because everything always has a catch, doesn't it?)
Oh, honey, there are definitely a few quirks. The Wi-Fi can be a bit spotty, especially in the rooms. I'm a blogger, and a digital nomad. So, you can imagine my frustration. There are definitely times I wanted to throw my laptop out the window. The decor is on the… let's call it *vintage* side. Think floral wallpaper, possibly two shades of beige, that old-fashioned, creaky vibe. Some of the rooms have tiny balconies. I did not love mine. It was the wrong size, and I wanted to scream about something the size of a closet, and it was cold. But it’s a hotel! I'm not going to lie. The service can be… *variable*. Sometimes, you get a super helpful, enthusiastic staff member who's on top of everything. Other times, you get someone who looks like they'd rather be anywhere else. Plus, it’s a bit of a trek to get there. From the airport, it's two hours. But you know, when you get there, it is all worth it.
The spa. Did you try it? Is it worth the hype (and the expense)?
YES! Okay, I'm going to rave about the spa, because it was such an experience. One word: massages. Oh. Em. Gee. I booked a deep-tissue massage, and the masseuse was a tiny woman with hands of steel. It was almost painful, in a good way! Afterwards, I felt like a totally different person. Totally reborn. Like all the knots of the world were released from my shoulders. I love that kind of thing. The spa has all the usual suspects: facials, wraps, the works. They have this hydrotherapy thing and the spa area with the saunas and steam rooms is fantastic. Seriously, treat yourself. It's not cheap, but it's worth it to feel like you're, you know, floating in a cloud of relaxation. My only complaint? It wasn't long enough. The massage itself felt like it was over in about five minutes. I feel so desperate for more. I'd go back just for the spa. Definitely, definitely worth the hype (and the expense!).
What should I pack? I'm a chronic over-packer. Give it to me straight.
Okay, fellow over-packer, listen up! You don’t need half the stuff you think you do. Comfortable shoes are key. You'll be doing a lot of walking, especially if you want to explore the town. Also, swimsuit. Obviously. (Unless you hate fun.) Pack a robe and your own slippers. The hotel provides them, but I like my own! Pack a good book (or three!), and your favorite cozy sweater. And maybe a small bag for the thermal baths. The biggest thing, though, is to bring a laid-back attitude. This isn't a place for drama. It is not a place to have issues. The key is to embrace the slow pace and the imperfections. Think comfort, relax, and chill vibes. Leave the stilettos (unless you're really feeling it) and bring comfy shoes. This is not the place for fancy dress-up. Trust me on this one. And don't forget your sunglasses. And sunscreen.Ocean By H10 Hotels
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